Top Three Cupcake Picks 2011

A couple years ago cupcakes started trending. If my cupcake history is correct, the Beverly Hills Sprinkles launched these little delicacies into the spotlight, and the fire gradually spread. Cupcakeries (if it's not already a word, it should be) began popping up all over the place.

It is my firm belief that cupcakes promote happiness.** Have you ever seen a cupcake and frowned?

As the trend spiraled nation-wide, I had an overwhelming urge to find the world's most perfect cupcake. This quest would require dedication, commitment, and the consumption of a lot of cupcakes. But it was a sacrifice I was willing to make for the betterment of mankind. After all, can you imagine the power you'll hold if you possess the knowledge of where to find the most perfect cupcake? I shudder at the thought of this knowledge falling into the wrong hands.

I began sampling cupcakes at a rate of one a week. When I was on the road with comedy I'd keep my eyes open for bakeries to try. Over the course of 2011 I established my top three picks for cupcake places in the U.S. Two are in California, one in Texas. This year I will continue my quest to find the perfect cupcake...if such a thing exists.

Last thing: I am among those with an innate disgust of the word "moist." But there is truly no other word that adequately describes a bakery product with the appropriate amount of moisture. My synonym search yielded alternatives like "oozy" and "damp." Certainly not an adjective I want describing something I'm eating, unless it's frosting oozing out of the cupcake. Even then...kinda ew.

And finally: My Top Three Cupcake Picks for 2011:

1. Sift in Napa, CA

This place won Cupcake Wars, and for good reason. I tried the Sky is Falling and Snickerdoodle cupcakes, which were hands down the best cupcakes I've ever tried. They were moist, with the appropriate cake-to-frosting ratio. The flavors just strong enough without being overwhelming.

2. NV Cupcakes in Corinth, TX

Usually bigger cities boast winning treats, but this unassuming little shop nestled next to an Alberton's boasts some pretty spectacular treats. The thing I value about these is the consistency. These are near my family in Texas and I often get them as gifts. They are never dry, never too sweet, and slightly smaller (also priced lower than the average cupcake) so you don't go into a sugar coma after eating one. My personal favorites are the New York Cheescake (available on Fridays) and the York Peppermint (rolled out on Wednesdays). Bonus, it's family owned.

3. Famous Cupcakes in Valley Village, CA

This cupcakery was in a neighborhood where I used to teach. The cupcakes are moist, and the frosting brilliant. Start off with a half, though, as they are quite sweet. I recommend the Black Tie or Vanilla. The biggest con is trying to find parking in the tiny shopping center where this is located.

Honorable Mention: WalMart cupcakes. You wouldn't think the place known for cheapness would crank out a decent pastry. Perhaps it was because my expectations were so low I had no choice but to be pleasantly surprised.

www.funnykristin.com

*When eaten in moderation. Eaten in large quantities they promote type 2 diabetes. This PSA brought to you by Paula Dean.**

**PSA not actually brought to you by Paula Dean.

Kristin's Guide to Being a Youth Leader

Warning: This is satire.**

I recently began volunteering with the high school ministry at my church. After a little observation I've come up with a list of things you need to do if you want to connect with high school students at youth group:

1. Give high fives. Lots of them. There is no such thing as too many high fives.

2. If you're a guy leader have a football or soccer ball in your hands. At all times. No exceptions.

3. Say "that's awesome!" a lot. I think the conversational rule is you need at least one "that's awesome" for each year of the student's age.

4. A well placed "Wuzzup!" goes a long way in breaking the ice.

5. Play an instrument for worship. The list of acceptable instruments you can play for youth, from coolest to least coolest, is as follows: Electric guitar, acoustic guitar, drums, bass, keyboard, piano, ukulele, violin, tambourine, castanets, kazoo. If your primary instrument is the cello or a woodwind instrument, God probably hasn't called you to high school ministry. (No offense to my fellow musicians, but have you ever seen anyone lead worship at youth camp with a flute?)

6. Blast their ears with really loud music during worship, then admonish them to listen.

7. Have pizza. Because if they don't like your personality, speaking style, or music, they'll like you because they associate you with pizza.

8. Be genuine. At least pretend to be.

**Mostly.

www.funnykristin.com

Homeschooling in the 90s

I was at my grandmother's house going through pictures and I found these newspaper clippings from a story the local newspaper did on our family about homeschooling in the Spring of 1991.

And I would like to point out that yes, Lori and I did have homeschool hair. And yes, my mom is wearing the homeschool denim jumper. We wanted to do our part in establishing the stereotypes.

Comedian Behavior Chart

Whenever I am performing a lot in California (which is most of the time), I stay with my friends, Ron and Kerri McGehee, both of whom are comedians. They have two daughters, Lucy (3 years old) and Ruby (6 months). Since a house full of comedians and babies gets crazy, I keep a "point chart" for our behavior. The chart pretty much speaks for itself. (Ruby isn't included because we all know she'd win.)



www.funnykristin.com

What I've Learned From Shark Week

After watching a ton of Shark Week episodes over the past five days (it's been a slow week), I've compiled a list of things I've learned:

1. Don't swim dressed as a clown.

2. You are more likely to die in a car accident than a plane crash, but you are more likely to die in a plane crash than a shark attack.

3. Don't voluntarily put your hand, leg, head, hip, head, foot, fingers, eye ball, or any other body parts in a shark's mouth.

4. In order to be a shark expert, you need to wear khaki shorts and show no expression when you speak.

5. Humans eat Popsicles, sharks eat Chumsicles.

6. Chainmail isn't just for fighting medieval battles, it also is used in shark suits to protect you from--you guessed it--shark bites.

7. Chainmail shark suits do NOT protect against Great White shark bites, because they are super biters.

8. If a shark bites you, don't panic. Calmly collect your remaining limbs and bob toward the shore.

9. Sharks don't really WANT to eat humans. Except when they do.

10. Sharks are opportunistic feeders. Meaning, if the Discovery Channel film crew dumps a bunch of dead, bloody fish in the water, sharks will eat them even if they're not hungry. I can't really blame the sharks for this behavior. If someone showed up at my door with a fresh Chipotle burrito (my version of dead, bloody fish), I'd eat it, even if I wasn't hungry.

11. If you watch a lot of Shark Week episodes in a short amount of time, Netflix will suggest that you might like the movie Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus. You will watch it in its entirety and come to the conclusion that it's the worst movie ever made.

www.funnykristin.com

Shark Week

I am already counting down the weeks until this years' Shark Week. It always falls the week of my birthday, and an entire seven days chock full of shark documentaries is the BEST birthday gift ever.

Since I'm not doing as much traveling in the coming months, I treated myself to a Netflix account. Right now I'm going through and watching all the old Shark Week episodes that are streaming.

My favorite episode so far is "How not to Become Shark Bait." It seems obvious to me: don't get in the water. But, that's not their advice. Rather than test for normal scenarios, they put themselves in situations 99% if swimmers will never get into. I would like to know whether you should swim if you have a cut, or whether it's smart to wear a wetsuit cause it makes you look like a seal.

Instead, they do experiments to see if sharks attack people who swim dressed like clowns. One of the divers dresses as a clown to see if the sharks attack him more than usual. (Just the phrase "see if the sharks attack me more than usual" is odd.) I don't want to spoil anything, but there was some shark drama.

But, when was the last time you thought to yourself, "golly, I'd like to wear my clown suit swimming, but I'm afraid it will attract more sharks!" Uh, never.

Now I'm watching Air Jaws: Sharks of South Africa. Essentially, a shark jumps out of the water, then they cut to a "shark expert," who comments. Rinse and repeat.

www.funnykristin.com

When Life Hands you a Twilight Poster...

...personalize it!



www.funnykristin